Thursday 23 July 2015

It's hard to understand

lying in bed trying to sleep, my brain suddenly reminds me of something stupid i said drunk six years ago.."Oh god why did i say that?" "Do my friends still remember it?" "Does everyone think I'm stupid?"

I still have the same friends I had then, everything's fine and I doubt anyone even thinks about it anymore. Logic would say I don't really need to be worrying about this at 3am, yet my anxiety doesn't care or work logically.

The above situation is, in part, why I haven't drunk in over a year. That what did I do last night? panic a lot of twenty somethings have on a sunday morning, is what life with anxiety is like everyday. You can't just enjoy something, living totally in the moment. That moment is constantly questioned,yet there's no right answer.

Its hard to explain, and its hard for people to understand. Anxiety doesn't make any sense, and to be honest I think thats what annoys me the most. 

I thought depression and anxiety were pretty much intertwined, like you couldn't have one without the other, but thats not true. I mean I'm sure for some people thats the case but its not the case for me at least. I feel perfectly happy & content with life.

My brains a bit all over the place. and I'm not totally sure what the point of this post was (like so many of my posts) I guess I'm just trying to explain to people that don't understand, that I don't understand either. If I say I can't do something, I don't always have answer for why not. As the title says it's hard to explain.

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