Monday 31 October 2016

Dealing with grief - My story

Bare with me, this post may seem a little all over the place but I promise it has a point.

As some of you may know, my mum died when I was younger, nine to be precise. I often get asked questions about dealing with grief, what it's been like growing up without her etc. As so many of you wanted more personal blog posts, boom here we go.

First things first, it's not important how my mum passed away, she was ill. I'm also not going to mention any details about my family, location etc for privacy reasons.

With my health, doctors of many different types have asked about my mum. Psychiatrists especially, love to blame everything on the fact I was young when she died. The truth is however is none of my problems have ever had anything to do with that.

90% of my memories with her are happy and positive, I knew she was ill and despite being so young I remember always thinking that finally she was pain free. As an adult who suffers with my own pain. I certainly still get great comfort from that thought.

My dad is and always has been amazing. I've already said that plenty of times. Growing up as a teen I never felt like I missed out on anything. I've always had female influences around that I could turn too. Our whole family is pretty open and honest but sometimes it's nice to have girl chat.

What I did always find hard was other kids and their parents. Luckily attitudes have come a long way since, but single dads were always seen as...kinda odd??

Sleepovers were a thing none of my friends parents were happy with because there wasn't always a female around. (Please don't take that as I've never had sleepovers, like I said attitudes change)
Kids would think I was lying about my mum for attention, In one R.E class at school I was made to leave the room because when talking about death people mentioned their grandparents, as soon as i mentioned my mum that was it I wasn't to upset the other kids.

People ask advice on how to grieve a loved one and honestly I have no idea. The things and feelings I went through as a nine year old and a teen are totally different to how somebody as an adult would go through.

Grief is continuous and my advice would be to always keep talking, remember good times, etc. It's ok to not be ok, and it's also ok to not be upset depending on your circumstances.

In the future I'm sure there'll be times I struggle again with her not being here for instance if I marry or have children. For now though, I'm 100% OK, dads and grandparents are pretty awesome people.

Lots of love

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